The girls of Twitter by no means fail to decorate our days with good ― however succinct ― knowledge. Each week, HuffPost Women rounds up hilarious 280-character musings. To see this week’s nice tweets from ladies, scroll in the course of the checklist beneath. Then consult with our Funniest Tweets From Women web page for previous roundups.
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SOMETIMES I WISH RENTING A MOVIE WAS STILL A SPECIAL TREAT YOU PLANNED A NIGHT AROUND
— Anne T. Donahue (@annetdonahue) August five, 2018
I’m “my friends are all pregnant with their second kids and I have spent the whole day trying to figure out which plants to buy” years previous.
— Ashley Nicole Black (@ashleyn1cole) August five, 2018
Imagine naming your son Benedict. And folks ask you “oh like Benedict cumberbatch?” And you’re like… “no, like eggs Benedict.”
— Lili Reinhart (@lilireinhart) August 7, 2018
my two moods are “i can’t believe i get to be a person” and “i can’t believe i have to be a person”
— J. Jennifer Espinoza (@sadqueer4life) August Four, 2018
does any person else ask for forgiveness to the waiter after they convey you the mistaken order? I AM SO SORRY I HAD THE AUDACITY TO ASK FOR NOT WHAT THIS IS
— Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) August five, 2018
man in the street stated “what’s up ma” i stated “not much, just bloated” and we each stored on strolling
— beth mccoll (@imteddybless) August 7, 2018
90s TV displays made me suppose that impediment classes can be a extra necessary a part of my grownup lifestyles
— Brit Bennett (@britrbennett) August 6, 2018
Gender disclose events are sexist. My being pregnant announcement will simply be me surroundings this $12 field of Tampax on hearth.
— Tig Notaro (@TigNotaro) August 7, 2018
I attempt to to find the great in each and every scenario. Wait. Typo. I supposed “food.” I attempt to to find the meals in each and every scenario.
— Abby Heugel (@AbbyHasIssues) August five, 2018
ME: I want somebody would flirt with me
SOMEONE: *flirts with me*
— Mara “Get Rid of the Nazis” Wilson (@MaraWilson) August Four, 2018
omg I simply heard a mom say “let’s play the silent game” and her two children fell for it what a chairman
— Julia Carrie Wong (@juliacarriew) August 6, 2018
my roommate & her boyf at 3am:
me at 3am:
∧_∧ possibly i don’t get
( ･ω･) Maroon five as a result of
＿| ⊃／(＿＿_ i haven’t observed
／ └-(＿＿＿_／ Maroon 1-Four
— jackie quinn (@llcooljackie) August eight, 2018
I’m writing a tune referred to as “make it clap for democracy” in order that the place I’m at emotionally and artistically
— Ziwe (@ziwe) August 6, 2018
AMERICAN COOKING COMPETITION: I got here to WIN. I want this cash for my daughter’s mind surgical procedure and I will be able to DESTROY the contest with KNIVES AND CROSSED ARMS
BRITISH COOKING COMPETITION: ahhhI hope my souffle is just right! most certainly is not, however I attempted!
— Dana Schwartz (@DanaSchwartzzz) August nine, 2018
it’s in point of fact impolite of my older siblings not to be married and feature children at this time like don’t they know that my years of being a groovy amusing aunt are fleeting??? geez
— kelly (@kelllicopter) August nine, 2018
I simply wish to be as satisfied as a personality within the first part hour of a horror film
— Megan Amram (@meganamram) August 7, 2018
My concept of a high quality dialog is quoting vines from side to side to one another for hours
— Pigeon Fancier (@isabelzawtun) August five, 2018