The girls of Twitter by no means fail to embellish our days with their sensible ― however succinct ― knowledge. Each week, HuffPost Women rounds up hilarious 140-character musings. For this week’s nice tweets from ladies, scroll during the listing underneath. Then talk over with our Funniest Tweets From Women web page for our previous collections.
Sign up for our Funniest Tweets Of The Week publication right here.
Once once more the gynecology nurse does now not admire once I say “giving ya the ol’ razzle dazzle” whilst hanging my ft within the stirrups
— katespookie (@katefeetie) October 22, 2017
Just sitting round being sacred as of late, as ladies do.
— Kashana (@kashanacauley) October 21, 2017
If your bra persistently suits your lingerie to begin with are you some roughly witch?
— Emily McCombs (@msemilymccombs) October 21, 2017
telling me to prevent posting political issues is the identical of telling me to grin extra, thanks! *smiles so arduous all my enamel shatter*
— Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) October 22, 2017
Them: You wish to concentrate on your frame extra.
Body: You’re outdated. And you wish to have pizza.
— Abby Heugel (@AbbyHasIssues) October 23, 2017
physician: consuming popeyes on a regular basis will kill you
— Ziwe (@ziwe) October 22, 2017
*flosses for the primary time in 6 months* that are supposed to idiot the dentist as of late
— Erica (@SCbchbum) October 23, 2017
are you able to believe shedding and having to speak about it after? like I lose at all times and I simply close up and faux I did not lose
— christine teigen (@chrissyteigen) October 26, 2017
If I see a lovely Handmaids Tale gown subsequent week I can have a real tantrum
— Whitney Cummings (@WhitneyCummings) October 26, 2017
Inventing a supply app that brings your supply particular person on time. Finds them at their eating place, tells them to prevent chatting, pokes them.
— Abbi Crutchfright (@curlycomedy) October 26, 2017
I am a girl at the streets however a foolish faux ghost within the sheets
— Megan Amram (@meganamram) October 24, 2017
‘Just In Timber Lake’ sounds just like the slogan for a campground maintaining its annual swingers retreat
— Randi Lawson (@RandiLawson) October 23, 2017
When the Cable Guy will get to your home at four:58pm for your “12pm-5pm” window… %.twitter.com/CkZrDHpfUy
— Julie Rasmussen (@JulieRasmussen) October 23, 2017
If you’ve by no means pulled your pants up sooner than your lingerie then we now have not anything in not unusual.
— SHANtilly Lace (@theshantilly) October 24, 2017
Today I went into my handbag to pay my therapist and a bag of shredded cheese fell out
— Charlene deGuzman (@charstarlene) October 25, 2017
I love to devise my outfit for shedding the youngsters off in school.
In reality, I incessantly make a choice it the night time sooner than.
They’re referred to as “pajamas”.
— MarleBOO (@Marlebean) October 24, 2017
One *efficient* strategy to combat the patriarchy is to name males named Brian “Bree-anne”
— Anna Drezen (@annadrezen) October 25, 2017
Ah, fall. Foliage, pumpkin spice and being overdue to paintings on a daily basis since you spent 7 mins understanding if the tights are black or army.
— Chloe Angyal (@ChloeAngyal) October 25, 2017
I have wasted such a lot of my valuable lifestyles looking to find the far off.
— Entrée 3000 (@steenfox) October 27, 2017
purchased my canine a halloween gown so he peed at the retailer ground honest sufficient my buddy however you’re nonetheless gonna be a lovely fucking shark
— lauren ashley bishop (@sbellelauren) October 26, 2017